waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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