good thing vaginas are great cup holders
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
