If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
