My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
