I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
