I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
