the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
