The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My dick has a subreddit
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
