I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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