Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Randomize
