are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
