Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
