i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
