The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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