life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
