my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
