NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Boobs are out for the taking
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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