so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
