don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
