I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize