you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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