It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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