the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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