Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
