This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can't put those talents on a resume
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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