she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize