one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
