then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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