im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
