hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
