now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
