so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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