I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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