Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I can't turn off my feet"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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