Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
