Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
