I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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