i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
