the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
