You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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