My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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