Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize