"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
only you would photoshop your dick
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
