I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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