1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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