There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
