Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
