She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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