are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
