im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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