i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
