She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
