I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize