I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
time to smoke my breakfast
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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