my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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