i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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