Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i love accidental penises.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
