I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
