Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
