Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
