remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize