Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
