the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
