come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize