Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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