I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
