let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
