listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
