Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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