I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
