my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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