I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
