oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
