I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
