i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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