Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
