just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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