I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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