he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
