Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
