I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
