her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
