I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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