Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
