You can't special order awesome
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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