Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
