cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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