He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
