I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
